It all started this past May. One day I was fine, then after one horrible night of sleep, it’s like I haven’t been the same (that sounds really dramatic but I don’t know how else to word it).
I’ve mentioned a few times that I’ve been struggling with anxiety recently. It’s not a new subject around my life, as several family members struggle with it. I’ve sort of always been a little anxious, but nothing quite like it has been this year.
The one thing about anxiety that sucks, is that you really have no idea what the cause of it is. All I know is that it started in May and hasn’t left since. And to be honest, it 100% completely sucks. I just want to feel like my old self again.
I haven’t been able to sleep well since pretty much when it started (which is basically what I’ve been having anxiety over). The first week was awful and I felt like I had been hit like a ton of bricks. This also happened to be when I started my first week as a camp counselor so to say I was exhausted would be an understatement.
Thankfully there were some nights I’d get some sleep, but I’d still spend my days worrying whether or not I’d be able to fall asleep that night. I had never had problems with sleeping before. My friends used to call me a grandma for going to bed so early in high school. I could lay down and after five minutes be out of it. I could also drink caffeine a few hours before bed and it wouldn’t bother me one bit. Then it was like all of a sudden that all changed.
My mom thought maybe it had to do with how much coffee I was drinking, so I tried to cut back. I switched to half caff in the morning (only one cup), then decaf if I wanted anything else later in the day. Maybe it helped, maybe it didn’t. Who knows.
Now here I am four months later and still having issues. I never thought it’d last this long. At this point I’m just about up to doing anything to get back to my “normal” life and feel like myself again. Hence, why I decided to give meat another try.
My sister came across another blogger who had similar issues with anxiety. She was a vegetarian and heard somewhere that some people just need meat in order to live to the fullest. After she added it back in her diet her anxiety melted away and she had more energy and felt like her old self again.
I’ve only eaten meat maybe four times within the past month, and I haven’t seen much of a difference. I will always prefer vegetarian eating over anything else (in fact when I ate chicken for the first time in 3 years I didn’t even think it tasted good at all), but, I’m still giving it a shot.
To be honest, I’m still dealing with symptoms way back when I had my eating disorder. I haven’t had my period since April, and my hormones have been all out of whack. It’s like I’ve taken a step back. It’s so, so frustrating. I’m eating plenty and not working out to the extreme. So I really don’t know what’s going on.
I’ve been to the doctor a handful of times, had tests done, and have finally started counseling. I’m praying that something will make this all better and I can control my anxiety.
I never really planned to talk about it here on my blog, but I feel like I need to. It’s a part of my life and is something I’m struggling with and I feel like I need to be open and honest about it and not seem like I’m a “perfect” person. Because I am most certainly not.
Until the time comes when I feel better, I’m just going to remember all the great things I’ve been blessed with. I know there are people out there who have it much worse and I just need to be thankful for the life I’ve been given.
I’m heading to Nashville this weekend to cheer myself up in no better way I could imagine: road tripping with my best friend to see Taylor Swift in her last show of the RED Tour. I completely understand if you think I’m crazy for seeing her three times in one year. We are a little crazy, but I don’t care though because her music makes me happy<3 Here’s to dreaming impossible dreams…